The John Report: The Raw Deal for 02/15/10 (Cena/HHH)
Live from Des Moines, Iowa this is the Raw Deal…
NOTE: If you’re looking for the always funny Commentfest you can check it out by clicking RIGHT HERE and I hope it makes you laugh. I thought it was one of the better ones we’ve ever done.
They had a local Iowa teenage girl sing the national anthem in honor of President’s Day. She did a great job.
Sheamus d. Randy Orton via DQ (*1/2)
Much like at the Rumble, Orton was cheered. The crowd was hot for him, chanting “RKO” at points and basically hating anything Sheamus did. Orton didn’t really work like the babyface as he was on offense for much of it doing his stomp routine, but the crowd was still supporting him. They never really went into the finishing sequence. Sheamus got attacked by Ted and then when Cody went after him the ref saw it and DQ’d Orton just like at the Rumble. Post match, Orton dropped Rhodes with the RKO (fans chanted for it) Sheamus booted Ted and then Orton hit the RKO on Sheamus to stand tall at the end of it. I thought it was a well done segment.
They had Bret Hart come out. He talked for about five minutes saying he wanted the match with Vince, but since Vince wasn’t there and he called the match off there he felt like saying goodbye. He walked out, said bye to the WWE Universe (not fans, we’re a universe) and went on his merry way. Backstage, he was greeted by Kofi, Swagger, Alicia, Primo, Gail, Evan and Primo before bumping into Cena. Cena wished Bret well as he went into his limo, the camera shifted over to Cena and then we heard a screeching sound as a car got backed right into Bret’s leg, which had not yet gone in the limo. Oh no, the horror. It was Rikishi! He did it for The Rock! Cena yelled at the woman driver (ever seen the bad woman driver’s clip on youtube?) to move the car and she did. They got Bret into an ambulance as they put his left leg in a brace. Where was Steve Austin to attack him in the ambulance? Oh, how I miss 1997. That’s one of the greatest moments in Raw history. Anyway, the big story here will be who was that woman? How fucking blind was she to not see a limo right behind her? Where the fuck was she going to go by going backwards? Why am I asking so many questions that will never be answered? How now Brown Cow? Did Vince pay her to that to weaken Bret, leading to Vince putting the match back on because Bret would have a bad leg? I guess that’s what they’re going with. Maybe they’re taking Bret out of the match to have him sit in Cena’s corner against Batista at Mania. Lots of options. It wasn’t a great segment. Wasn’t bad. It just left me shrugging my shoulders as if to say “that’s it?” Wait and see on this one.
MVP & Mark d. Showmiz (*)
They did a remix of the theme songs belonging to Show & Miz. It feels like we’ve seen this before with MVP & Mizark beating Jerishow last summer in a similar non-title situation to set up a PPV match, which Balling Kool-Aid lost. The finish came when MVP countered a Miz pin attempt with a successful pin of his own for the win. This could set up a tag title match, I guess. No promo time from anybody. No mention of Miz’ US title either. Not the greatest segment here.
I should point out here that they mentioned the dog show on CNBC more times than they mentioned the Elimination Chamber on Sunday. I understand why because USA shows the dog show during the other nights, but it really got annoying.
The Springer segment was next. What a weird segment. I’m not recapping fully. Basically they had Kelly say she was pregnant, then had all the comedy guys like Santino, Masters and of course Hornswoggle claim to be the baby daddy. You know, if you’re into rumors there are a lot of jokes to be made about Kelly being with a lot of guys. But hey, I didn’t say it. She did. It also involved the Bellas saying one of them was a man and then Eve “brawling” with Kelly too. Then they had Lawler shockingly say it was all a joke. Springer acted stunned. What a thespian. The best part of this was Ranjin Singh (translating for Khali), who is on WWE’s creative team, actually made fun of how bad it was by calling it a waste of time. Then it ended with Mae Young kissing Springer. This took nearly 15 minutes. It was funny at times (Santino had some good lines of course and even Cole made me laugh when he called Kelly a hussy), but it was too silly and too over the top even for Raw guest host standards.
They plugged the Morrison DVD. Did you know? It only covers the last three years. Nothing from his Johnny Nitro days are included. I guess they never happened just like winning Tough Enough never happened. Now you know.
Ted Dibiase d. Kofi Kingston (1/2*)
Here’s your three minute special match. On Smackdown, this match would get ten minutes. On Raw, they only get three because they have to do a “comedy” segment. If you think either of these guys are going to win the Elimination Chamber you should think about being Straight Edge. Dibiase won with the Dream Street OUT OF NOWHERE~! even though he supposedly was dizzy from getting kicked in the head by Sheamus. In a matter of months Kingston’s gone from a major player to losing in under three minutes to a concussed guy, yet the announcers will tell you he’s on a roll. Sure he is. Rolling down the card.
They announced Antonio Inoki will be in the Hall of Fame. Well deserved. Very influential as a performer, but also impactful as a promoter as well. Problem is, I doubt 80% of WWE’s audience even knows who he is. I’m sure his name was a hit on google search tonight, though.
When they came back from break they had Cole & Lawler talk about this being the “worst night ever” of Bret Hart’s life. Are you kidding me? Seriously? Worse than his brother dying in a WWF ring? Worse than the stroke that nearly took his life? I understand wanting to get an angle over. I get that. But don’t insult our intelligence to this degree because it makes you look stupid. This really pissed me off. You want to get your angle over? Fine, do that. This was very insulting to me as a lifelong WWE fan. Trying to tell us that a silly car angle is worse than a guy losing his brother, or suffering a near death experience like a stroke, is weak. Very weak.
By the way, plenty of SERIOUS VOICES~! were used during the Bret Hart stuff. That’s because it was really serious, ya know? His leg is broken in 1,461 places unofficially. I don’t care what they do with the angle. Just do me a favor and get Bret Hart on the show on March 15th when Steve Austin hosts. I want to see the two guys that gave me the best match ever on the show together one more time. That would make me happy.
Great video package on the Elimination Chamber. By the way, what channel was the dog show on? Oh CNBC, right. You told us that more than you mentioned the PPV.
Jerry Springer gave us his Final Thoughts like on his show. I honestly haven’t watched his show in ten years. It was fun when I was 19, though. Hey look, Mae Young again. Amazing.
John Cena came out to talk to Batista…on the video screen. They basically said Batista will be on the show next week to meet Cena face to face. I like their interaction. Yes, they’ve had matches before, but never with Batista in the heel role that I love. I have to give Cena props for making fun of Batista’s golf clothes, though. The badass grandpa must be pissed. Next week they go face to face. Even though it was well done, they spent two hours hyping up a promo to hype up another promo next week.
John Cena vs. HHH ended in the very predictable DQ (**)
They got about 12 minutes. I love how the announcers acted as if this was some fresh match. They had a better match on the October 19th Raw last year when I gave them **** for a 20 minute match that HHH won clean, which was right before the Ironman match that would have been Cena’s “last match” on Raw had he lost. They seemed to just go through the motions here while not wanting to give away too much. It screamed DQ the moment it started. Sure enough, Sheamus came in the ring and KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT~! of Triple H with the kick. Cena tried to get him in the AA, but Sheamus slithered (oops, can only use that word for Orton) out and hit the kick on Cena. He finished Triple H off with the WrestleMania preview spot by hitting the Razor’s Edge/Celtic Cross/Needs a Name to lay him out. The show ended with Sheamus standing tall.
Going into the Chamber I thought for sure Sheamus was winning. Now I’m not sure because of my famous “look strong on TV, lose on PPV” theory. It might be Cena. It might be HHH. I doubt it’s Orton and it definitely won’t be Kofi or Ted. I’ll probably stick with the Sheamus pick although I have the right to change my mind before I write my preview column on Wednesday night.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Randy Orton – Best part of the show. I’d still rather see him as a heel, but what he’s doing is working.
2. The Great Khali – For saying the Springer segment was a waste of time and making out with Eve.
3. SERIOUS VOICES~! – They had a strong showing from OUT OF NOWHERE~! on this show.
4 out of 10
Last week: 7.5
I thought this show did a poor job of promoting the Elimination Chamber. I care more about Hart/McMahon and Cena/Batista than I do that title match on Sunday. Frankly, I know more about the Westminster Dog Show being live on CNBC opposite Raw than I do about what we’re going to see in the Elimination Chamber. Why not have the six guys in that match actually talk about it? We only heard from Cena. For the show that is usually promo heavy this week, when promos were needed, we barely got any. I don’t get it.
There’s a Divas Title match on Sunday between Maryse and Gail. Maryse wasn’t on the show. There was no mention of the match being on the PPV either. Gail was only on as the token woman that gets to overact during the “terrible tragedy.” When the match bombs at the PPV don’t be surprised.
That Springer segment was one of the worst they’ve done with a guest host. And that’s saying something! I’m sure Vince thought it was fascinating television, though.
This wasn’t the worst Raw ever or anything like that. Trust me, that stretch from September through December was worse. It’s just that I really liked the last three weeks and this week was a big step back from those ones. I’m disappointed. Let’s hope it was merely a bump in the road as we get closer to WrestleMania rather than a recurring trend. I don’t want Raw to be bad again.
I missed Shawn Michaels. Did you?
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Plug time.
Check out my friend Mickie James’ website at mickiejames.com for info on her debut country music single “Are You With Me?” that is released as of today. You can order the album and get a free t-shirt plus autographed copy of CD if you do it through Countryshowcase.com and it’ll be shipped to you at the end of March when the CD is officially released. I shill because I care.
Keep checking out the blog at johnreport.wordpress.com on a daily basis for new, updated content. I’ll have a new URL this week too although the old one will work just fine.
I’ll have an Elimination Chamber preview up on Wednesday night. Thanks for reading.
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